When the Waves are Taking You Under

     Happy Saturday to my lovely readers.  I have to apologize for my delay in posting this week.  Honestly, I have been in a very icky funk and I feel in conflict with what I want this blog to be about (inspiration) and how I feel inside (sad and exhausted). After much thought, I have decided to maintain my honesty with this blog and tell you what is going on….in hopes to be real-about where my heart is and what is going on in my life-and with full expectation that you will lift my family and me up in your prayers!!  Shockingly, I have already received criticism for being “too upbeat” in the face of cancer and my motives for everything from shaving my head to the tattoo to my faith have all been called into question-both by strangers (which sadly I would expect) and my loved ones.  I suppose when you start a blog and do a TV interview, you are choosing to open yourself up to all sorts of false judgments.  I WILL find a way to become OK with that….soon, I hope. 


     Anyway, I guess I dedicate this post to all of those naysayers out there.  Having a brain tumor is really hard.  I have bad days, sometimes bad weeks.  Life doesn’t stop when you get a chronic illness.  You still have to work on your marriage, take care of your kids, manage your money, nurture your relationships and dig deeper in your faith.  I fall down all the time; I fight with my husband; I get frustrated with my kids; I neglect my spiritual life; I get overcome with the urge to isolate.  Yet at the end of it all, I always come back to the One that I know I can have full confidence and faith in…Jesus Christ!  With His help alone, I SHALL overcome all things!! 

     The Song of the Day is Stronger ~Mandisa.  From one broken person to another, I am going to shake off all this ugliness, turn up the music and SING AS LOUD AS I CAN!  Hope you will join me!


Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain’t right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you’re asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

(Though we got amazing medical news from Duke, they certainly didn’t fix the emotion trauma and severe financial devastation brought on by this summer’s events.  I feel we barely got time to enjoy the good news before the forces of spiritual warfare just moved right on to our marriage in a major way. :-(   )

Oh, don’t hang your head
It’s gonna end
God’s right there
Even if it’s hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

(Kevin and I haven’t been under the same roof for 2 weeks now to decrease the fighting for the sake of the boys and we are completely out of money.)

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
And things can only get better

(I keep thinking they can’t get any worse but man, the second I have that thought, here comes something else…….Let’s see, in the last 7 months we’ve dealt with sobriety, brain tumor-cancer-then, not cancer; facing my mortality; loss of my license; brain surgery, seizures, mania and drug overdose; Nolen being diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder; financial collapse and marital destruction.  I think we could all REALLY benefit from a breather!!!)

Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you …

(In the midst of the pain, it is often so hard to see how this is actually “helping to make me stronger”….but fortunately, I have the word of God and my past experiences to remind me that this will, in fact, multiply my strength 10 fold if I continue to rely and trust in Him!!  How anyone handles these types of life issues in the absence of a loving God is ABSOLUTELY beyond me!)

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it’s gonna end
God’s right there
Even when you just can’t feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

(We are starting Crown Financial Classes next week and Kevin comes home Sunday night.  We started marriage counseling this week.  Please pray for financial and marital restoration!!  I know this is EXACTLY what my Creator has in store for us!  Help me to remain patient and wait on His perfect timing.)

‘Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it

He knows how much it hurts
And I’m sure that He’s gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
In time it’s gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

      God bless you all, especially those who have judged me.  I am praying for you!  Please remember my family in your prayers tonight.  In Him, Tonya

5 Responses to When the Waves are Taking You Under
  1. Donnie
    October 2, 2011 | 6:09 pm

    Living in a fishbowl brings put those who judge!!! It is your life live it like you and your family choose to. We should all live our lives like the country music song and live like we are dying. Don’t waste time…. It is special!

    • Tonya
      October 3, 2011 | 11:46 pm

      Thanks for the encouragement Donnie! I’m not too worried about them. I’m doing the very best I can, and I think if that is good enough for my God then it is just going to have to cut it for everyone else, too!

  2. Kelly Pepe (from highschool)
    October 6, 2011 | 7:35 pm

    Sending prayers your way….. :)

  3. Danielle
    October 10, 2011 | 10:26 pm

    this is the first post i have ever read of yours. i don’t know you. BUT i am praying for you. i am pulling for you and so is HE. in love, danielle

    • Tonya
      October 11, 2011 | 12:15 pm

      Thanks Danielle. The last few weeks have really been a challenge, but with His help, I think my husband and I are weathering the storm. Money problems really do take such a toll on your marriage but I think the Crown Financial class is exactly where we need to be to get a Biblical perspective on our debt. At least it provides us an opportunity to work together on the matter in stead of in opposition. Your continued prayers are greatly appreciated!

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